Thoughts while watching old TPHS Wind Ensemble videos and listening to the Man of La Mancha soundtrack

1. I bought a giant giraffe pillow pet (his name is Walter) a couple of weeks ago at Costco and I now have zero incentive to leave my bed, ever.

2. It’s funny that American society teaches us to be apathetic as teenagers and then tries to pump us full of “passion” again in our 20s. Kids who got really excited about literature or circuit-building, pronounced words in Spanish class with a native accent, or were super-vocal about global humanitarianism were considered “weird” or “extra” (or whatever the 2000s version of “extra” was). But now, those are the people that want to save the world, and I feel like people admire that. I know I do. And I think in our 20s, we naturally gravitate toward passion, because we finally understand that we have the potential and resources to change the world, but not the attitude to do it. And that’s kind of beautiful in a very sad, contextual way.

3. Thank god all of my modeling as a child was done pre-internet.

4. Okay...can I just say that ever since Spotify came out with the “Discover Weekly” playlists, they've been KILLING IT?! Whoever codes that stuff should get a medal. I used to be really opposed to remixes (why would you ruin a perfectly good song?) but I've found so many good ones lately and I can't help but wonder what kind of algorithm they’re using. And it's almost effortless. I like SoundCloud, but I don't really have the patience for it because you need to use it actively. Spotify is a little more chill; you just drop some of your favorite songs in a playlist and listen.

5. A new season of This Is Life with Lisa Ling started last month and I’m so excited! I’ve already rewatched the entire first season on Netflix in preparation. It's a really amazing show; it discusses so many little-known nuances of human life in America. I’d recommend it to anyone. Lisa Ling is also such an inspiration, as both an extraordinary journalist and a mainstream professional success in the Asian-American community. There’s something very authentic and very inherently compassionate about her, and she exhibits such a genuine connection to her work that it gets you really emotionally invested in the pieces she does. #TBT to the time I ran halfway across campus in heels from performing in an orchestra concert just to listen to her lecture in Campbell, and then got completely starstruck when I went to talk to her.

6. I’ve just discovered Bob's Burgers live script reads and they are the. Best. Thing. Also this supercut of Bob saying “Oh my god”.

7. One of my friends half-jokingly told me I was “cocky...but in an attractive way.” And while I’m not particularly offended by that, I don’t think I’ve ever heard myself described that way. And it makes me wonder if I actually am cocky (I don't think I am, but then again, few people do) or if the fact that I’m very opinionated and direct is interpreted differently because I’m a girl. Kind of how assertive women are often labeled as “bitchy,” when they say and do the same things men do. But if there’s one thing I've learned in my 21 years (almost 22, whaaat), it’s that if you don’t advocate for yourself—be it your race, your gender, your abilities, or your work ethic—no one will.

8. HOW did I go 20 years without doing my eyebrows?! When I look at old pictures all I can think of is how I could have possibly not noticed how important they were. If I only have ten minutes, I always do eyebrows, eyelashes, and lips at the very least. It just makes you look “done.”

9. Man of La Mancha came up on my playlist the other day and it made me miss oboe. A lot. It’s been four years since I’ve been seriously invested in any musical pursuit (I don’t really count the wind ensemble in college), and I miss it. Performing in a full orchestra in a big concert hall is one of the greatest feelings. And every single concert I've ever played was a triumph for me in particular, because each one helped me slowly get over my shyness onstage and my paralyzing fear of solos. I think being in the orchestra of Man of La Mancha in senior year was probably the grand finale of my musical career, and I was genuinely sad when it was over. I think I just loved being in an orchestra; I loved the community of the whole experience and the feeling that we were keeping some of these classical pieces alive and continuing a legacy. I frequently wish I could go back to it. Not that I would ever admit that to Mr. Edmons.

10. Living oceanside is the best thing. I’m actually grateful for it every day. Sometimes I'll come home stressed out from a long day, and the gorgeous turquoise color of the water instantly makes me feel better. Or when I'm lying in bed, I'll hear the waves swelling onto the shore. And I feel so lucky. I am so lucky.

HAPPENING MEOW