Thoughts while writing my millionth cover letter

1. I think you can easily tell which people you really, genuinely like by how much fun you have with them in un-fun situations. They're the people that you don't need to do anything with, the people that make you stupidly happy even in the most terribly boring situations, just because you enjoy their company.

2. I absolutely adore my roommates, but living with them is terrible for my wallet, because we always buy things and then rave about them to each other (mostly makeup) and then end up buying the same things. It's a very dangerous friendship.

3. As I venture deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole that is job-hunting, I'm increasingly frustrated by the kinds of positions that are available to people fresh out of college. Most of them seem like glorified internships, without any real impact, which is exactly the opposite of what I want. And my mom pointed out that that's a very millennial way of thinking (read: idealistic), because we were born into such comfortable lives and aren't in "survival mode" like her generation was. And she's right. But still it haunts me. The thought of not accomplishing the things I want to accomplish makes me anxious and restless. But I don't feel like I know nearly enough about the world yet to change it right now, and that's frustrating too.

4. BUT, on the flip side, the marketing team and I took a short trip up to San Francisco and visited an advertising agency...and I think I found my perfect job. I spoke to this girl who worked as a Senior Brand Strategist at the agency, and it was pretty much exactly what I want to do. She's the one responsible for writing all of the creative briefs, and conceptualizing central ideas for all of the different ad campaigns. It's artistic, but there's also a lot of writing and critical thinking involved. I'm so in love with everything about it—the position, the agency, the idea of living in the city. Fingers crossed.

5. My family had Chinese New Year dinner and a Super Bowl (okay, Super Bowl commercial) party last weekend. That means dumplings, sticky rice, and sponge cake one day, and BBQ ribs the next. If there exists a more perfect example of what it means to be “Chinese-American,” I haven't found it yet.

6. There's so much controversy over Beyoncé's Super Bowl performance, and it's kind of ridiculous. I don't know why people interpret her “Formation” video to be anti-white rather than pro-black (edit: I've since been educated on the existence of white fragility). Even though they're not necessarily mutually exclusive, it has to be said that a statement of cultural pride is not an attack on whiteness or a statement against law enforcement. Artistic expression in a society that consistently and systematically oppresses them is not a crime, and if it were any other race, it wouldn't be treated such a polarizing issue. One blogger on Medium published a very provocative and eloquent piece called Formation Doesn't Include Me—And That's Just Fine, in which she stated: “It's time for us to stop singing along—to Formation, to Kendrick Lamar's Alright, to any song that has the n-word or celebrates blackness in a way we will never understand. Our ancestors signed away that right when they signed their names to contracts that said they owned human beings or signed tabs in restaurants that didn't allow ‘colored people.’” She addressed what many other white people refuse to—that starting a conversation about blackness begins with the acknowledgement of whiteness and white privilege.

7. We've been having really gorgeous weather lately and it's kind of amusing because there's been a high volume of people at the gym lately trying to get beach-body ready in February.

8. I reread Gone Girl recently, and realized that I'd forgotten what it was like to really just sit and read, and get completely lost in a book. This past summer, I would go to Barnes & Noble after work a couple of times a week, just to relax and read. The one on 86th Street is my idea of heaven. Three stories tall, an air-conditioned and coffee-scented escape from the New York humidity with soft light and a creamy-tiled floor, and filled with shelves upon shelves of books, floor to ceiling. They have the comfiest chairs, the kind you sink into and feel warm and cozy enough to curl up in for hours, and the ambiance of it makes you want to bring a mug of tea and a blanket and just soak up all of the stories. I want to live there.

9. Grandma life = receiving a Victoria's Secret gift certificate and getting excited to buy more leggings.

10. My Meaning of Life professor's good friend passed away last weekend. And so, in the spirit of the class, she read to us from her eulogy that she read at his funeral. And it was heavy stuff. It was also one of the most sincere and well-articulated things I'd heard in a very long time. And I just thought that it's a shame that all of these wonderful things are said about you, but you don't even get to hear them. The main thing that struck me was her remark that people aren't nearly as appreciated so much as when they're gone. It's something we should remember more often.

HAPPENING MEOW